I imagine by writing this blog entry you will think I've just woken from a long period of hibernation. I open my laptop and blink my eyes repeatedly against the brightness of the screen which surely by now I am unaccustomed to. Right? No, sorry not really. I've been here just not *here* on blogger. Well, even that's a lie really because I have been on blogger reading your blogs and looking at mine I just haven't actually made an entry on it.
Today that changes.
How worthwhile this entry is going to be is still up in the air but I imagine it's going to be a long series of complaining and whining so you probably won't even want to read it, but hey, that's okay. I don't blame you.
Here we go. First, I'm pissed off about our taxes. We're supposed to get money back, but somehow owe like $800.00 NOT COOL. In fact it's very uncool. I don't know what word can best describe how I feel about this situation but I'm pretty sure that's because the word doesn't exist to describe such a level of deep disappointment and confusion. Okay, so that's that.
Second thing that's got me a little ba humbug lately is our house situation. Meaning a couple weeks ago Jack and I decided we haven't really done anything lately in terms of house projects so we decided to remodel our bedroom. Make it so we don't have a loft bed anymore, so that our closet can actually fit a hanger in it (they built it too small last time), and put in carpeting so it wouldn't be absolutely freezing cold every winter.
And I'm happy about that, it'll be great when we have our walk-in closet and our bedroom nice and warm. But in the meantime we're sharing a room with Thomas, my clothes are in garbage bags piled up next to his crib because our bed blocks access to the dresser and we have piles of stuff throughout the house. It's a mess and I can't even do anything about it because there's nowhere to put the stuff. I have thought of burning it on more than one occasion! But seriously, I don't understand how we have managed to accumulate so much stuff. It's things like old curtains and toys and just drawers of electronicy type things I don't know what they do or what they are. I've decided when we move back into our bedroom a major yard sale is in order and what isn't sold needs to just be gotten rid of.
The other crappy thing about the bedroom is how the expenses just keep piling up. A new window, tool rentals ($40 to pound like 6 nails into cement!), the carpet. Ugh. Of all the types of flooring, laminate, vinyl, wood, carpet, tile... carpet would be my last choice. Absolute last choice. It's hardest to keep clean, literally absorbs dirt and dust, and I feel doesn't last as long as the other options. And yet somehow it's like the most expensive type of flooring there is. Perhaps the cost of flooring is a direct correlation to impracticality? I'm not sure. But yeah, our carpet is going to be like $550 and it's stressing me out. Right now we don't have a floor in that room so it's definitely something we need to do but I get serious anxiety whenever it comes to spending money. It's like an inner turmoil for me just to buy a sweater so you can maybe imagine how difficult it is for me to wrap my mind around half of $1,000 on carpeting that I don't really want but we kind of need.
Anyway, that's just the bedroom. There are other things going on that have me stressed but talking about them I think would just upset me too much or cause drama and the last thing I need right now is drama. I just get so frustrated... whatever.
My goal before all this started was to rearrange the basement so I would have a nice, cheerful, friendly workspace. Instead all the crap we didn't have space for was put downstairs right next to my desk so everyday at work I have to stare at our stuff and just be reminded of everything and stressed out and I really hate it. I used to really love my job and enjoy it but I think I really get brought down by that environment and it's frustrating that after expressing how I felt about it Jack went and dumped all that stuff there. I'm just going to have to be patient and wait for everything to get sorted out but it's going to be another 2 weeks until they install the carpet so that's another month we will have to live like this.
I just think about everything going on and I feel very selfish but it's just gotten to a point where I'm tired of not thinking about myself. I guess I need to find a balance somewhere but it's hard to do. Between trying to stay on top of our budget and figure out how to pay for all these expenses (oh did I mention my tire popped the day before my birthday?) and Jack keeps saying he wants to take a vacation like okay yeah, I would love a vacation right now but how are we supposed to pay for it? We can't just go away because things get hard. And even if I wanted to i couldn't, getting time off of work is next to impossible and that also really frustrates me. I just need to try and relax. I'm trying to find a place in our house that is just calm and not hectic but it doesn't exist. Our living room will stay clean for like an hour and then of course all of Thomas' toys are strewn about and whatnot. Thomas' bedroom of course has all of our stuff plus his crammed into it. The laundry is piling up in the hall because I have nowhere to put my clothes once I wash them. I've already discussed the basement. The bathroom is really the only clean room but I don't really want to hang out in the bathroom.
I am very much looking forward to all of this being over and Jack and I being able to relax in our bedroom again. I just feel like it's never going to happen and that's the frustrating part. I'm still feeling nauseous a lot but it's been getting better. I'm definitely not pregnant but I've just been throwing up for the past couple weeks. They said it might be from my birth control but I don't know.
That's pretty much everything going on right now... I didn't mention the mice but that's because I feel like I'm going to throw up every time I talk about it so I'm just going to ignore it for right now. I know we all have trials, and I'm grateful that at least we still have our family and a roof over our heads, still have our jobs and everything too. But knowing it could be worse doesn't really always help dealing with it all. Anyway I need to end this post before I start talking about other stuff and yeah... whatever
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