I think if I could afford it, I would ask to be put onto a medically induced coma until my due date. Seriously.
Call me a whimp, but this is effing hard :(
7.25.2013
Ugh
posted @
7.10.2013
Procrastinating...
So right now I have about enough time to shower or make a blog post. Guess which I chose?
Yeah, I don't feel like doing much today but I have so much to do! Instead, I am just going to let that go for a moment and make a little bloggie update.
So I had my 12 week appointment on Monday. It went well. They found that baby's heartbeat (took quite some time- made me a little nervous in fact), but it was there! My parents are in town so we were able to bring them in as well to listen to it. I feel a lot less anxiety knowing the baby has a heartbeat. I know things can still happen, but I feel a little bit better.
I am still really nauseous a lot. My medicine does help though when I take it but it has other side effects that make me not as eager to take it on a daily basis. I was very sick about a week ago and was throwing up all day long so I had some priesthood come over and give me a blessing. It was really nice, and they said Heavenly Father is very excited to send this baby to our family and that made me feel really good. Even with a planned pregnancy, there are always doubts, at least for me there are. Moments where you wonder, am I really ready for this? Can I really raise another child when I'm doing such a mediocre job with the one I already have? But I feel such a strong peace around me when I think about this baby and know that everything will be okay. It is a great blessing to know our Heavenly Father has a plan for us.
I haven't had many food cravings since my taco and italian food phase passed. Mainly I want sandwiches sprouts and bagels a lot, oh and gyros! I broke down the other day and spent about $8 at Einstein's Bagels and had the most delicious bagel panini. I could eat that every day of my life. But not for $8 a sandwich. ;)
I'm beginning to see why Jack spends all his extra money on food. I never get excited about food really, but when I'm pregnant, I have very strong opinions of it.
We are getting ready for our vacation which I am SO SO SO SOOO looking forward to. It will be really nice to get away from home and work and just have time to spend with family. I feel like my work schedule gets in the way a lot of me being able to talk to friends and family, and even though I love my job, it gets discouraging sometimes to not have that flexibility during the day so many of my friends do. I'm hoping when my schedule finally changes in about September and I go back to only working 3 days a week again it will get better.
I guess that is about all for now. If I get off now, I may still have time for that shower after all. :)
Yeah, I don't feel like doing much today but I have so much to do! Instead, I am just going to let that go for a moment and make a little bloggie update.
So I had my 12 week appointment on Monday. It went well. They found that baby's heartbeat (took quite some time- made me a little nervous in fact), but it was there! My parents are in town so we were able to bring them in as well to listen to it. I feel a lot less anxiety knowing the baby has a heartbeat. I know things can still happen, but I feel a little bit better.
I am still really nauseous a lot. My medicine does help though when I take it but it has other side effects that make me not as eager to take it on a daily basis. I was very sick about a week ago and was throwing up all day long so I had some priesthood come over and give me a blessing. It was really nice, and they said Heavenly Father is very excited to send this baby to our family and that made me feel really good. Even with a planned pregnancy, there are always doubts, at least for me there are. Moments where you wonder, am I really ready for this? Can I really raise another child when I'm doing such a mediocre job with the one I already have? But I feel such a strong peace around me when I think about this baby and know that everything will be okay. It is a great blessing to know our Heavenly Father has a plan for us.
I haven't had many food cravings since my taco and italian food phase passed. Mainly I want sandwiches sprouts and bagels a lot, oh and gyros! I broke down the other day and spent about $8 at Einstein's Bagels and had the most delicious bagel panini. I could eat that every day of my life. But not for $8 a sandwich. ;)
I'm beginning to see why Jack spends all his extra money on food. I never get excited about food really, but when I'm pregnant, I have very strong opinions of it.
We are getting ready for our vacation which I am SO SO SO SOOO looking forward to. It will be really nice to get away from home and work and just have time to spend with family. I feel like my work schedule gets in the way a lot of me being able to talk to friends and family, and even though I love my job, it gets discouraging sometimes to not have that flexibility during the day so many of my friends do. I'm hoping when my schedule finally changes in about September and I go back to only working 3 days a week again it will get better.
I guess that is about all for now. If I get off now, I may still have time for that shower after all. :)
6.10.2013
pregnancy update #3
Tonight I am craving eggs with peanut butter... hmm maybe I need some more protein. In other news, we have a dog staying with us! She is so sweet and I am liking having a housetrained dog very much!
6.03.2013
Pregnancy Post #2
Foods that sound delicious right now:
Foods that make my stomach turn and make me want to vomit:
*sigh* I feel guilty that I feel so miserable, especially since I really want to have a baby (or babies!) and tried to get pregnant for so long. But I feel so freaking miserable. I hate pregnancy, the only times when it feels worth it (until the baby comes) are the rare moments Thomas comes up to me and says, "I want to hug the baby" and gives me a hug or kiss. Or when I'm singing to him at night, and he pulls his blanket over my stomach and says, "I want to help keep the baby warm." He is going to be such a good big brother, and soon this will all be worth it!
- thin crust pizza and mozzarella sticks
- a sandwich on sourdough bread with sprouts and vegganaise
- mac and cheese
- a croissant with hot chocolate
Foods that make my stomach turn and make me want to vomit:
- EVERYTHING ELSE.
*sigh* I feel guilty that I feel so miserable, especially since I really want to have a baby (or babies!) and tried to get pregnant for so long. But I feel so freaking miserable. I hate pregnancy, the only times when it feels worth it (until the baby comes) are the rare moments Thomas comes up to me and says, "I want to hug the baby" and gives me a hug or kiss. Or when I'm singing to him at night, and he pulls his blanket over my stomach and says, "I want to help keep the baby warm." He is going to be such a good big brother, and soon this will all be worth it!
5.29.2013
Grocery Shopping...
... while pregnant is dangerous. Today I bought pickles, pasta sauce, salsa with cheese sauce, and gingerale. And that's about it.
I also spent a good 5 minutes walking up and down the cleaning aisle because it smelled so wonderful. Not weird at all, right? That was after I picked up a bag from the bakery to carry around in case I puked, which I almost did, twice.
On the bright side, now that I have this cheesy unhealthy salsa con queso, perhaps I will get less cravings for Del Taco. Mmmm Macho Nachos. :)
I am still staying optimistic that this time I won't be as sick as with Thomas, and that the nausea will taper off in my 2nd trimester *fingers crossed* And while some days I am exhausted, I don't think I am quite as fatigued as I was the first time around. Or I am and I just force myself to do stuff anyway. This will be an interesting summer, Thomas is out of preschool now which I was really excited about but now not as much because I don't feel as inclined to entertain him as I previously did. But I will be strong! We will think of some crafts and things to do together. I can't wait for Thomas to be a big brother. :)
I also spent a good 5 minutes walking up and down the cleaning aisle because it smelled so wonderful. Not weird at all, right? That was after I picked up a bag from the bakery to carry around in case I puked, which I almost did, twice.
On the bright side, now that I have this cheesy unhealthy salsa con queso, perhaps I will get less cravings for Del Taco. Mmmm Macho Nachos. :)
I am still staying optimistic that this time I won't be as sick as with Thomas, and that the nausea will taper off in my 2nd trimester *fingers crossed* And while some days I am exhausted, I don't think I am quite as fatigued as I was the first time around. Or I am and I just force myself to do stuff anyway. This will be an interesting summer, Thomas is out of preschool now which I was really excited about but now not as much because I don't feel as inclined to entertain him as I previously did. But I will be strong! We will think of some crafts and things to do together. I can't wait for Thomas to be a big brother. :)
3.31.2013
Being "Mom" and being a mother
I've been thinking a lot lately about what it means to be a mom and be a mother, or a parent. It's something I think people sugar coat a lot or gloss over for fear of offending someone or saying something wrong but that's not what this blog is about. I don't want a superficial blog. I want to share my perspective and my feelings. I recognize yours may be different, but that's why this is my blog and not yours.
So I will continue. And while everybody's experience may be different, I feel much of mine may had to do with the deep state of depression I was in for so long after Thomas was born, to a certain extent I think my words apply to everyone. And I wish I had known and thought about and considered these things before I decided to have children. Not because it would change my decision to have a baby, but because it would have changed how I raised him, even in those first few months.
There is this notion of being a mom that is completely one-sided and selfish. To have a small child to fawn over, dress up cute, run errands with, love, and be loved back unconditionally. There is a part of being a mother that almost every woman I know longs for and desires deep down at some point in their life. To hold their baby in their arms, to clap at the child's first step, first word, first burp. It is all new and exciting and shiny. Even the hard things like waking up for midnight, and 3 am feedings, staying up late to comfort a sick child, and having to change clothes for the fourteenth time that day because of blow-outs and spit ups. When a woman decides to have a baby she wants it, expects it and is ready for it.
And it all comes wrapped in this beautiful package of what deep down they really want. A void-filling bundle of love, that will scream and cry but also kiss and cuddle on a whim and without a moments notice.
This is at least how it was for me. I had dreams of teaching my child to ride a bike, family picnics at the park, hikes and birthday parties. Reading stories all night and rocking my baby to sleep at night. I never gave much thought or consideration to the other half of being a mother. The part that is not so much maternal instinct and nurturing but still just as crucial to a child's upbringing. And it seems strange to me now that I am a mother, to have never given much thought or consideration to this aspect of mothering. There is being "mom", the one your child looks to and knows, because you have been there from the very beginning and then there is being a mother. And this is how I will refer to it as being "mom" and being a mother because I don't know how else to say it. I'm sure there is a word for it, the difference between nurturing and loving verse really really nurturing and teaching and parenting. But for the sake of this blog post, I will just differentiate between the two in this way, the way my brain seems to grasp it.
This aspect of being a mother for me is the most challenging part of parenting, or was at least for a very long time. It is the part I never gave much thought to or considered when having a child, though I wish that I had as I think it to be more challenging than the diapering and feeding and whatnot. This aspect of being a mother is the setting aside of your own wants and desires, and even molding them into those of your child. It is taking the time to teach your child their ABC's, nursery rhymes, how to build a sand castle, and all the other things that come along with childhood that we as adults take for granted. Do you know the words of "Mary Had a Little Lamb"? Who taught it to you?
It's dawned on me recently that for a long time I have taken much of Thomas' education for granted. An haphazard attempt of repeating the alphabet and counting in the car because we're stuck in there together on a long drive. Or resignedly pausing a movie to go read Thomas a book before bed. Ignoring the fact that he just threw a toy across the room because I'm too tired to have a power struggle and enforce a time-out. But should he fall and hurt himself after that very moment of throwing the toy, or throw up in his bed due to a sickness while waiting for me to come read a book, you better believe I will be there in .2 seconds flat.
What is instinctive for me while still requires long hours, sacrifices of time and commitment to rearing a child who is well-rounded is not the same as the other tasks of motherhood and parenting that are equally as important and demand just as much if not more time. I think to myself how many nursery rhymes does Thomas know? How many scripture stories? What can he tell me about God, about himself, have we read his collection of books enough times for him to know every story? How come some children his age know all the letters of the alphabet and can count to 20 and he can sometimes count to three? It's because I haven't devoted the time and attention to this other half of mothering.
And as I've started to think about this, I've noticed certain things in me have changed. While getting on the floor and playing with the kids has always seemed like work, I now look for opportunities to do so. To see the light in his eyes as we exercise his imagination to play a new game and find something new. As opposed to the one game he always wanted to play in the past called, "rocketship" which consists of throwing a blanket over us and pretending we're in outer space so that I can sleep and don't have to get out of bed.
One of the biggest changes I've found is how I view other aspects of my life. I love my job, I do. I don't think I could have a better job with better benefits and more flexibility than I do at this current time. And for the longest time I was so excited to go to work and get "away from it all". Bed times and making dinner, temper tantrums and whining. Drop the kid off at the babysitter and have some "me time". And now with this sudden paradigm shift I sometimes cry after dropping Thomas off at the babysitter, realizing how many precious hours I have lost with him where we could be playing and learning. That no babysitter will teach him the things I want to teach him, or introduce him to the things I want him to see and experience about life, in the way that I would or the way that I would want. I think of all the family dinners around the table we are not having because I am at work, the play dates he could have with friends, and even the friendships I could be making in the process. And I suddenly get it. How hard it is for most moms to work while raising children. A part of me wonders why I never felt this way before, and to be honest I'm not quite sure. I am sad that I've spent much of my time pushing Thomas away because I was overwhelmed or stressed, and I'm sure a lot of it had to do with my postpartum but I know a lot of it also has to do with the way society views mothers and parenting. Things we perceive and have learned about how it is supposed to be.
Children are not a burden. Children are the greatest joy in the world. And I've often thought if I don't get pregnant again it will be however it is supposed to be, and I'm okay with that. Lately though I have found myself heartbroken at the thought that I will never hold another newborn of my own again, raise a child from birth and have the opportunity to do the things I should have done the first time, and cherish the moments and not just be there but be there, even from the earliest stage. And a part of me is fearful too, that if I do have another baby, I will just make the same mistakes all over again. Fall into the same depression and withdrawal even more. I can't say how it would be but I can't help but think knowing and feeling what I know now I would do it differently.
I am immensely grateful that I've had this new revelation on what it means to be a mother before Thomas got older. I can't bear to think of another moment of his life spent without me being actively involved in every moment of his day. Not to say I never did anything with him before, but I was so dissociated from him. My mind somewhere else, only briefly enthralled, in passing moments, by the wonder of his naivety and cherubic outlook on life. And usually anxious to drop him on Jack at the end of the day, go to work and "unwind".
I like to think our days go a little differently now. I know I still have leaps and bounds of progress to make but I have challenged myself to be there for Thomas. Both maternally when he falls and is hurt and needs comforting as well as a confident mother who can lead and direct his life. Teaching him academics, life lessons, an appreciation of the world and of God. How to be a good friend, how to be a good brother, a responsible member of a family who does his part and feels the rewards of a job well done. I hope with all my heart I can provide these things to him throughout his life.
I reflect on my favorite memories growing up, and the one that always sticks out to me and comes back to me is a memory of my mom sitting on the floor playing Barbie with my sisters and I. Her fake Barbie voice, and how much she seemed to be enjoying herself with us. She wasn't checking her phone in between outfit changes, (not like we had cell phones back then), or sighing and looking at the clock. She was there, in the moment, with me. I have other memories from when I got older and I did feel like a burden to her, and I could tell the difference. The way it made me feel as a person. I want to fill Thomas' life and the lives of his future siblings with the positive memories of playing together, enjoying each other. Asking questions about the world, dreaming about the future.
I am committing myself to long sleepless hours, getting out of bed early even when I'm tired, giving up reading time or time on the computer, "me time", for preparing Thomas for kindergarten. Giving up the comfort of sitting on the couch trying to ignore his misbehavior for a power struggle to teach him that I am his parent, and I love him enough to discipline him now and teach him now of actions and consequences, so that he won't have to learn the hard way later.
It isn't easy to admit to myself these things. This method of parenting I seem to have carried for so long. The short-patience, quick tempered, get me out of here- but really don't kind of way. It's quite absurd when you think about it. Pretending to not really like your kids all that much when really you love them. And it seems as though you do everything for them, but really you have to sit down and ask yourself then why do I feel so unfulfilled? And am I really going "all the way" or am I just giving the appearance of it because it's easier?
And the interesting thing is even though this other aspect seems like so much more work, it isn't. It makes life more fulfilling and interesting. It fills me with more patience because I react immediately and curtail the tantrum before it escalates and emotions get out of control for both of us. And it keeps Thomas happier because he sees that I am really there for him and want to be there for him. And there are still moments when I lose my patience and I lose my temper, and I breathe heavily and ask Jack to take Thomas for awhile. Or I let Thomas watch a show or play on the computer and relax and read a book for a moment, but it is just a moment and doesn't all of a sudden turn into an entire day where I used to wonder where our time together had gone.
But then there are moments when I tell him what a joke is, and I look up jokes on my phone and read him line after line because he is amazed by this new concept. And moments where he draws the letter "T" all over his arm and I am just so happy because he drew the letter "T" that I don't even care that he is covered in marker. And I look forward to these moments. My heart aches to teach him something new and build more memories. I want to sit and play with him. I want to teach him how to sweep the kitchen floor, and let him help me make dinner. I want in every way to not only be his mom but to be his mother. And while it does make going to work each day a little bit harder, and makes me miss him a whole lot more, I wouldn't have it any other way. And the look in his eyes when I say, "guess what, Thomas? Today is mom's day off and we can stay together all day," says it all, he looks forward to those moments too. And I want to create as many of them as I can.
So I will continue. And while everybody's experience may be different, I feel much of mine may had to do with the deep state of depression I was in for so long after Thomas was born, to a certain extent I think my words apply to everyone. And I wish I had known and thought about and considered these things before I decided to have children. Not because it would change my decision to have a baby, but because it would have changed how I raised him, even in those first few months.
There is this notion of being a mom that is completely one-sided and selfish. To have a small child to fawn over, dress up cute, run errands with, love, and be loved back unconditionally. There is a part of being a mother that almost every woman I know longs for and desires deep down at some point in their life. To hold their baby in their arms, to clap at the child's first step, first word, first burp. It is all new and exciting and shiny. Even the hard things like waking up for midnight, and 3 am feedings, staying up late to comfort a sick child, and having to change clothes for the fourteenth time that day because of blow-outs and spit ups. When a woman decides to have a baby she wants it, expects it and is ready for it.
And it all comes wrapped in this beautiful package of what deep down they really want. A void-filling bundle of love, that will scream and cry but also kiss and cuddle on a whim and without a moments notice.
This is at least how it was for me. I had dreams of teaching my child to ride a bike, family picnics at the park, hikes and birthday parties. Reading stories all night and rocking my baby to sleep at night. I never gave much thought or consideration to the other half of being a mother. The part that is not so much maternal instinct and nurturing but still just as crucial to a child's upbringing. And it seems strange to me now that I am a mother, to have never given much thought or consideration to this aspect of mothering. There is being "mom", the one your child looks to and knows, because you have been there from the very beginning and then there is being a mother. And this is how I will refer to it as being "mom" and being a mother because I don't know how else to say it. I'm sure there is a word for it, the difference between nurturing and loving verse really really nurturing and teaching and parenting. But for the sake of this blog post, I will just differentiate between the two in this way, the way my brain seems to grasp it.
This aspect of being a mother for me is the most challenging part of parenting, or was at least for a very long time. It is the part I never gave much thought to or considered when having a child, though I wish that I had as I think it to be more challenging than the diapering and feeding and whatnot. This aspect of being a mother is the setting aside of your own wants and desires, and even molding them into those of your child. It is taking the time to teach your child their ABC's, nursery rhymes, how to build a sand castle, and all the other things that come along with childhood that we as adults take for granted. Do you know the words of "Mary Had a Little Lamb"? Who taught it to you?
It's dawned on me recently that for a long time I have taken much of Thomas' education for granted. An haphazard attempt of repeating the alphabet and counting in the car because we're stuck in there together on a long drive. Or resignedly pausing a movie to go read Thomas a book before bed. Ignoring the fact that he just threw a toy across the room because I'm too tired to have a power struggle and enforce a time-out. But should he fall and hurt himself after that very moment of throwing the toy, or throw up in his bed due to a sickness while waiting for me to come read a book, you better believe I will be there in .2 seconds flat.
What is instinctive for me while still requires long hours, sacrifices of time and commitment to rearing a child who is well-rounded is not the same as the other tasks of motherhood and parenting that are equally as important and demand just as much if not more time. I think to myself how many nursery rhymes does Thomas know? How many scripture stories? What can he tell me about God, about himself, have we read his collection of books enough times for him to know every story? How come some children his age know all the letters of the alphabet and can count to 20 and he can sometimes count to three? It's because I haven't devoted the time and attention to this other half of mothering.
And as I've started to think about this, I've noticed certain things in me have changed. While getting on the floor and playing with the kids has always seemed like work, I now look for opportunities to do so. To see the light in his eyes as we exercise his imagination to play a new game and find something new. As opposed to the one game he always wanted to play in the past called, "rocketship" which consists of throwing a blanket over us and pretending we're in outer space so that I can sleep and don't have to get out of bed.
One of the biggest changes I've found is how I view other aspects of my life. I love my job, I do. I don't think I could have a better job with better benefits and more flexibility than I do at this current time. And for the longest time I was so excited to go to work and get "away from it all". Bed times and making dinner, temper tantrums and whining. Drop the kid off at the babysitter and have some "me time". And now with this sudden paradigm shift I sometimes cry after dropping Thomas off at the babysitter, realizing how many precious hours I have lost with him where we could be playing and learning. That no babysitter will teach him the things I want to teach him, or introduce him to the things I want him to see and experience about life, in the way that I would or the way that I would want. I think of all the family dinners around the table we are not having because I am at work, the play dates he could have with friends, and even the friendships I could be making in the process. And I suddenly get it. How hard it is for most moms to work while raising children. A part of me wonders why I never felt this way before, and to be honest I'm not quite sure. I am sad that I've spent much of my time pushing Thomas away because I was overwhelmed or stressed, and I'm sure a lot of it had to do with my postpartum but I know a lot of it also has to do with the way society views mothers and parenting. Things we perceive and have learned about how it is supposed to be.
Children are not a burden. Children are the greatest joy in the world. And I've often thought if I don't get pregnant again it will be however it is supposed to be, and I'm okay with that. Lately though I have found myself heartbroken at the thought that I will never hold another newborn of my own again, raise a child from birth and have the opportunity to do the things I should have done the first time, and cherish the moments and not just be there but be there, even from the earliest stage. And a part of me is fearful too, that if I do have another baby, I will just make the same mistakes all over again. Fall into the same depression and withdrawal even more. I can't say how it would be but I can't help but think knowing and feeling what I know now I would do it differently.
I am immensely grateful that I've had this new revelation on what it means to be a mother before Thomas got older. I can't bear to think of another moment of his life spent without me being actively involved in every moment of his day. Not to say I never did anything with him before, but I was so dissociated from him. My mind somewhere else, only briefly enthralled, in passing moments, by the wonder of his naivety and cherubic outlook on life. And usually anxious to drop him on Jack at the end of the day, go to work and "unwind".
I like to think our days go a little differently now. I know I still have leaps and bounds of progress to make but I have challenged myself to be there for Thomas. Both maternally when he falls and is hurt and needs comforting as well as a confident mother who can lead and direct his life. Teaching him academics, life lessons, an appreciation of the world and of God. How to be a good friend, how to be a good brother, a responsible member of a family who does his part and feels the rewards of a job well done. I hope with all my heart I can provide these things to him throughout his life.
I reflect on my favorite memories growing up, and the one that always sticks out to me and comes back to me is a memory of my mom sitting on the floor playing Barbie with my sisters and I. Her fake Barbie voice, and how much she seemed to be enjoying herself with us. She wasn't checking her phone in between outfit changes, (not like we had cell phones back then), or sighing and looking at the clock. She was there, in the moment, with me. I have other memories from when I got older and I did feel like a burden to her, and I could tell the difference. The way it made me feel as a person. I want to fill Thomas' life and the lives of his future siblings with the positive memories of playing together, enjoying each other. Asking questions about the world, dreaming about the future.
I am committing myself to long sleepless hours, getting out of bed early even when I'm tired, giving up reading time or time on the computer, "me time", for preparing Thomas for kindergarten. Giving up the comfort of sitting on the couch trying to ignore his misbehavior for a power struggle to teach him that I am his parent, and I love him enough to discipline him now and teach him now of actions and consequences, so that he won't have to learn the hard way later.
It isn't easy to admit to myself these things. This method of parenting I seem to have carried for so long. The short-patience, quick tempered, get me out of here- but really don't kind of way. It's quite absurd when you think about it. Pretending to not really like your kids all that much when really you love them. And it seems as though you do everything for them, but really you have to sit down and ask yourself then why do I feel so unfulfilled? And am I really going "all the way" or am I just giving the appearance of it because it's easier?
And the interesting thing is even though this other aspect seems like so much more work, it isn't. It makes life more fulfilling and interesting. It fills me with more patience because I react immediately and curtail the tantrum before it escalates and emotions get out of control for both of us. And it keeps Thomas happier because he sees that I am really there for him and want to be there for him. And there are still moments when I lose my patience and I lose my temper, and I breathe heavily and ask Jack to take Thomas for awhile. Or I let Thomas watch a show or play on the computer and relax and read a book for a moment, but it is just a moment and doesn't all of a sudden turn into an entire day where I used to wonder where our time together had gone.
But then there are moments when I tell him what a joke is, and I look up jokes on my phone and read him line after line because he is amazed by this new concept. And moments where he draws the letter "T" all over his arm and I am just so happy because he drew the letter "T" that I don't even care that he is covered in marker. And I look forward to these moments. My heart aches to teach him something new and build more memories. I want to sit and play with him. I want to teach him how to sweep the kitchen floor, and let him help me make dinner. I want in every way to not only be his mom but to be his mother. And while it does make going to work each day a little bit harder, and makes me miss him a whole lot more, I wouldn't have it any other way. And the look in his eyes when I say, "guess what, Thomas? Today is mom's day off and we can stay together all day," says it all, he looks forward to those moments too. And I want to create as many of them as I can.
3.08.2013
I'm Blogging!
Who knows what will come of this post, it's been so long. I have thought to make many posts but never have so this may be nothing or it may be everything :)
At the moment I am typing from my new Samsung Galaxy Note! A birthday present from my hubby, whom I love. And coincidentally, Ilove this tablet, too! I broke out the bluetooth keyboard we got with it for the first tiem today and that's what I'm typing on now. Ido like it quite a bit! My favorite feature of the Note though is the handwriting mode where Ican write using the stylus and it will transcribe my handwriting to text, or optionally keep handwritten notes in a memo pad, etc. It's pretty great!ihate touch screen keyboards so this is a perfect setup for me. Though Istill have my heart set on an Asus TaiChi it will probably be awhile before Iget something like that.
The latest change in our family this year has been our new budget. We are actually sticking to it and re-evaluating it each month so we can meet some financial savings goals. It's hard! $100 month on groceries goes fast, as does our very minimal budget for what we call "flex"money. Which is basically anything other than necessities so date nights, activities for Thomas, babysitter fund, etc It's been hard but I am sure it will be worth it in the long run and it is exciting to have goals together and an end goal in mind.
As far as other things go, we have for the most part gotten settled in to our new home. There are still a lot of things Ineed to figure out places for, some rooms that need curtains (new budget isn't helping with that!), some furniture and decor items Iwould like when we have some money leftover for that, etc, but it's pretty good. Iam still amazed that we rarely use the basement it's so odd to me to have an entire downstairs bathroom, bedroom, and living area in our house that gets little to no use. It is such a vast change from before. Iam working on making it more useable as well though and I"m sure when the weather warms up we will spend more time down there as we keep the vents closed so as not to heat the basement when nobody's in there so it is a bit chilly.
I had a doctor's appointment today to address some health concerns I've had for the past few months-year. Nothing major but some things that seem to be getting worse rather than improving and health problems grow tiresome so Ithought it best to bite the bullet and go to the doctor. He suggested my migraines and other symptoms seem to indicate a hormone inbalance of some kind and his suspicion was low progesterin (Ihope Ispelled that correctly). He said this could also be why Ihaven't gotten pregnant yet despite not being on birth control for years, as progesterin levels are supposed to spike during ovulation and then continue to increase with pregnancy. He said it's likely Icould have gotten pregnant but when my levels droppped instead of spiked it would continuously cause a very early miscarry. Idon't know for sure if this is the case but if it is that means when Istart taking the supplements it should help with my headaches (which are quite frequent and often intolerable) as well as increase my likelihood to conceive.
He also said Ishould start taking some Omega 3's and such and it should also improve the headaches. And of course, to eat more regularly and try to replace some carbs with more protein to help my energy levels.
It shouldn't seem like such hardwork to eat but for me it seems a little daunting. I'm used to skipping breakfast, eating lunch sometimes, and having a little for dinner. It will be very strange to start eating all three meals a day with snacks. I am sure it will help quite a bit with the health and Ikeep telling myself it will be better in the long run. My goal isn't really to be super skinny Ijust want to be fit and if Iintend to continue working out (which I do) the additional protein can only help, right? Still eating more feels counterproductive to my weight loss goals so I need to work on getting over that. Plus, it will be hard to find the time and energy to eat regularly so Iknow that will be another challenge. Most mornings it's easier to take eating time to nap instead!
I'm still grateful though to have some answers and a game plan. Ithink today Iam going to sit out and see if Ican schedudle some easy meals- hard boil some eggs in advance for last minute breakfasts, grill some chicken strips and bag them to grab for lunch when needed, find some good snacks like nuts (but hopefully a less pricey alternative) and try it for aweek and see how it goes.
Iguess I should also be excited at the more promising prospect of a pregnancy, too. And Iguess Iam, Imean it's not like Idon't want any more children Ijust feel weird about it. Like maybe it's not the right time or something. But I've always been a big believer that things happen when theyre meant to happen and so I'm sure everything will work out there as it should.
Ican't really think of anything else new or interesting going on in my life... Thomas is growing every day and his absolute favorite thing to do is puzzles. He is always excited about a new puzzle or similar project/game to discover. I'm trying to find some other activities Ican get him interested in but books don't hold his interest for very long and neither do songs or music so we shall see. He does love board games but it is a pain to play with him with all the little pieces and finding games that are appropriate for his age level. Idid get Operation and Cootie for him and am saving them as Easter presents. I suspect he will enjoy these quite a bit.
Ihave been working on more invitations and announcement projects lately which Iam excited about! My domain is due to expire soon though and Inever really got the website up. I'm not sure if I"m going to renew it. Ithink Imay start with a Facebook page and see if Iget more business and then go from there.
That's all I've got for now! Thomas and I are headed out to Costco- we need to get new tires on the car and Thomas loves walking around and getting samples while we wait hah
Oh Iforgot to mention they also mentioned the possbility of something with my blood sugar since Ifeel weird when Idon't eat but then really weird when Ido eat, etc so they took a blood test for that and we will see where they get with those results.
Another doctor also wanted to get me an ultrasound to check for gall stones or something but Ihaven't scheduled that yet... I'm hoping I won't need to.
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