3 Months!

So Jack and I went to my 3 month appointment on Friday. We got to hear the heartbeat!! It was sooo awesome! The heart rate was measuring at about 170, according to an old wives' tale a fast heartbeat like that suggests it's a girl hehe. :)

But we'll see. I'm not counting on anything yet... I am a little sad that they didn't do an ultrasound I really thought they would but the doctor said insurance only covers one. I'm going to call my insurance and see if an NT scan is covered because if it is we could do that which is basically an ultrasound ^_^

I've been having good and bad days, moments, and hours. I just keep telling myself, I'm either going to die or I'm going to get through it and be okay, and so far I'm alive so I guess I'm okay. It's nice to know the baby is okay, it makes it so much easier to go through all this stuff knowing there is actually something important inside of me.

Easter was nice, after conference Jack and I went to Kaley and Clint's. The food was awesome and of course the company was good too. I love hanging out with them, they're just super chill and I feel like Kaley and I have a lot in common in terms of stuff we went through in our lives and it's nice having someone who has overcome difficulties like that as well.

Sometimes I just have to turn around and look at how far I've come and it's amazing. It blows my mind that it's possible for me to be with someone as wonderful as Jack after all the things I've done and be able to have all the wonderful things that I do. Of course we struggle and have hard times, but we still have it pretty good and Jack cares about me, and I can see it in all the little things that he does. I wish I knew how to put my heart into things like that... it's something my grandma used to do also.

I was thinking about her a lot yesterday. I really miss her a lot, but I know she loves me and yesterday I felt that she was still close to us and it was a really comforting thing. It just hurts that I was never able to express just how I felt about her. Even with the language barrier, it didn't matter, I always ALWAYS knew and felt that she loved me and cared about me, and I hope she always felt the same from me. She truly was an amazing woman. She loved everyone so effortlessly and so generously, if I can be like her in even the smallest way I know I'll be able to be a good mom.



I was also thinking about my mom. There I was, sitting in church, tears rolling down my face because I missed my Abuelita, and I just had to think, when does my mom cry? I know she must miss her even more than I do, but when is she able to express it? She has to take care of my grandpa and I could imagine it's hard for her... I don't know... Maybe she's stronger than me and knows she'll be able to see her again. I know she's not gone forever but I still miss her here.

Anyways, that's about all I have to say for now. Jack and I are going to take my car in to get fixed and hopefully get a new cell phone charger for my phone today.