Realizations

I'm coming to realize a few things.

1st- Although I've only lost 25 pounds of the 40 I gained while being pregnant, I currently weigh about the same as I weighed when I met Jack.
He managed to fall in love with my chubby self then (and I guarantee you I look better now than I did then- I think about 10 pounds is in my boobs! lol), so while I'm still going to try to lose weight, I'm not going to beat myself up about it.

Being pregnant and having a baby has definitely changed the outlook I had on my body. Of course there are still things I am uncomfortable with, but my husband loves me and together we created a life! We have a beautiful little boy together and I think that is well worth the stretchmarks.

I think the whole big boobs from breastfeeding is God's way of giving something to the men who have to put up with us hormonal pregnant woman.

2nd- If it weren't for my mom I probably would have broken down the first week postpartum. I'm amazed I was able to do all those night shifts on my own, but being home by myself with the baby all day seriously is hard!

I can't wait until he's a little older and I feel more comfortable going out with him. I just wish it wasn't the middle of flu season.

3rd- Jack is going to be a GREAT father! He already is. I love watching him with the baby (I'm crying right now thinking about it), it's so obvious how much he cares about him and I feel even more connected to my family than ever now.

Of course the past 2 weeks haven't always been a walk in the park, there are definitely some hard moments. Sleeping with the baby in our bed is hard. I thought I wouldn't mind having a loft bed but trying to convince myself to wake myself up enough to climb out of bed with the baby at 3am, and then 7am, to change a dirty diaper is seriously hard. Some nights I think it's easier to just sleep in the nursery but I hate not spending the night with Jack.

He needs his sleep though for work, and he does a lot to help out so I think he deserves to be able to have a good night's rest. I still get frustrated sometimes though.

Being a mom is a full time job, but I work 24 hours a day and he works that much in a week. It gets frustrating sometimes but I have so much help from family and Jack does still help out a lot even though for some reason he seems to be exhausted- I'm still trying to figure out how since he gets a whole lot more sleep than I do!

I'm thinking of exclusively pumping. I'm still undecided... breastfeeding makes night times easier- I don't have to worry about getting a bottle etc., or if the bottle has been out too long, but it's nice to not be the only one who is able to feed him. Plus, I don't know why but today Tommy has been really fussy and seems like he hates my nipples lol.

He's seriously been glaring at it every time I try to feed him I can't figure it out. Then I know he's hungry but when I get him to latch on he will just start crying. It's seriously weird. He's been fussy with the bottle too today though so maybe there's just something wrong.

Anyway, it's 7:30ish which means hear comes my headache- I get it every night I'm pretty sure it's from sleep deprivation. So I'm going off to try and get some rest (which probably won't happen).