blogging because there's nothing else to do

This problem with my UTI is starting to really get me stressed. I was doing a lot better but then yesterday I forgot to bring my pill swith me when I went out and I didn't get home till late so I took my antibiotic late and now it's hurting a lot.
I'm hoping it's just a temporary thing and will get better, but even with the pain medication they gave me it still hurts. I'm just really starting to worry that this new stronger antibiotic isn't going to be good enough to make me better and if that's the case, I'm going to have all sorts of problems- like a really high risk of the infection spreading to my kidneys and jeopardizing the baby. I guess I'm far enough along that if there was a serious problem, they would maybe be able to deliver the baby early and then try to treat me, but what if it's like the nurse said and the treatment doesn't work? And then if my kidneys fail I can die. I'm really kinda scared and trying to act like things are okay and are going to get better but I really don't know that for sure.

I don't know what to do...

It seems right now everyone is going through a hard time, a lot of my friends are having some of their own problems as well, I just want everything to work out for everyone. It seems like when it rains it pours so maybe this is just something I have to deal with right now and then everything will be okay but I'm skeptical.

I've had these stupid infections since high school and I do everything the doctors say and more and still get sick. I'm just so worried that one day they aren't going to be able to fix it. And it's so painful and awful and I don't know how to stop it. I don't know why it happens to me and I just want it to go away forever.

Trying to stay positive... one thing I am looking forward to is mine and Jack's anniversary. We're planning on going to Manti but is it weird that I don't want to take off of work so we can go? I planned on picking up extra hours and working more once I got home but I just feel so exhausted and tired all the time and then with all these problems and me having to go to the doctor like twice a week I haven't found the time. I just have to try to motivate myself and tell myself the extra money is definitely so worth it but sometimes I feel like it's not.

Maybe if I got a better hold on at least one thing in my life I would feel better. That happens to me sometimes, when I feel like my living space isn't how I want it, my weight and looks aren't how I want it, and I'm not thrilled with my job, I get kinda depressed and start feeling helpless about stuff. I really have to make an effort to get in control of something so I can feel motivated and upbeat again. I'm such a nut. At least I understand it now though, I used to not understand why sometimes I got all down and other times I was fine.

I want to try to be more social and spend time with my friends more, and so many other things. I feel like there is a list of things I want to do that never ends. Maybe I will try this week to work on those things and then I will feel better in a few days and more enthusiastic about working and stuff. Maybe.... hopefully...