At A Loss

I just don't know what to do anymore... I've been kind of putting off trying to figure out expenses and stuff after the baby is born but I can't anymore.

I was looking into insurance plans today and we don't qualify for anything- not even CHIP because apparently Utah is like the only state that has an income cap for the program. Then I called my employer to find out about their insurance but it doesn't cover anything, it has no preventative care so we would have to pay for all the immunizations and everything out of pocket.

The only other option right now is Jack's insurance which is an extra $300 a month and frankly that's just too much money. We can't afford it and I know we can't.

I feel like Jack doesn't even know what's going on. He keeps talking about planning a trip and going away for our anniversary but we just don't have the money. I can't understand why he wants to spend money on a vacation or something when it just means that will be money that we won't have a month later when the baby is here and we need to pay bills.

Then to top it all off, I was feeling a lot better because we were getting close to actually having some money in our savings account to cover us for a month or so just in case, and Jack goes and transfers ALL of it into the checkings account.
It's so frustrating to me that he doesn't understand the concept of a savings account and the value in it and now I feel even more stressed out and helpless because we don't have any savings anymore.

I just cried for like 20 minutes because I really just don't know what's going to happen. I've thought about selling my car but the value has probably dropped so much now that we wouldn't even get enough of it to make a profit- it would probably only just pay off our loan, if that.

To make things worse, I'm not going to be working for about a month after the baby is born and Jack is acting like nothing is wrong. Sure right now we're scraping by that's mostly because I'm pulling in a paycheck too. But for that month where we will really need the extra money- we're not going to have it.

I just hate how the help programs don't even help us because apparently we make too much money. But if you factor in our expenses, we really don't have that much at all. I just feel so helpless and frustrated. I want to be able to provide for our baby and take care of him and not worry about Jack spending money on things we don't need, and not worry about not having enough to pay our bills.

I haven't purchased anything for weeks besides paying the doctor's office for health care and it's like all my efforts are just negated by the fact Jack doesn't seem to understand that we really are in a financial bind.

I can't talk to him about it because he doesn't acknowledge that there is a problem, and he doesn't see the value in a savings account or anything when I try to explain. It makes me feel very scared for our future. I always thought he had a good grasp on finances and financial planning, but now it seems he is completely clueless. Like the mentality of some high school girl that just thinks as long as there is money in the bank account, it can be spent and there will be no consequences.

I don't know what to do, I'm just really overwhelmed and not happy right now. I just don't know what to do.

I want to talk to Jack about it but I don't know what we can do and I don't want to stress him out and make him feel like he isn't doing enough. At the same time, I think maybe he might need to consider finding a new job, he is definitely underpaid for what he does and we both know it. But can he risk trying to find a new job in this economy? What happens if it doesn't work out or something? Then we're in an even worse predicament.

I just see so many problems and no solutions. I hate feeling like this. It makes me physically sick to see an empty savings account, never in my life would I think a person would fail to see the value in that. But I just know that I can't force him to take my point of view and talking to him about it would probably just make him feel bad and start a fight.

Gah this is so frustrating. I don't even know.

And to make matters worse we had that stupid bank error where they paid our car payment twice and so we were out an extra $600 this month. And no, it doesn't mean that we don't have to pay our payment next month- we still do. *sigh* I just hate everything about this right now.

I don't know what to do.